Carol – English version

Dear Carol,

you had me fooled this time! Life had you fooled this time!

As soon as you knew you only had three months left you told me that after all the effort you put into building all of this, it was normal that you would have had to leave us so early. You looked peaceful when you told me that, maybe because you knew that in reality it weren’t going to be just three months. In fact it’s been 12 and I was able to see you also at Christmas.

Carol, I will never forget holding your hand in mine while, in a whisper, you made me that promise. I remember you lying in bed tired, but also very determined.

 In these days many people are coming to visit you apart from all the kids of al ages. All of those you raised in here. Some of them come back with their kids and families, the new one they built once they were out of here. Because the old one they never had it.

These are difficult days here at Daddy’s Home because we all miss you deeply and your absence is as heavy as a rock. I know that among the many people who got to meet you, some had a special place in your heart and so you do in theirs. I don’t claim any priority place and really I don’t feel like I even deserve one memorial. For this reason I apologise to who is reading me and belongs to the privileged group. I don’t want to be seen as somebody who’s taking advantage of this moment, you can’t definitely reply!

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I arrived here a few years ago and never had a particular role. I slipped into the Babies Home almost looking for an allocation that would justify my presence. I saw you liked it and I felt rewarded by your directives on what you expected from the nurses and how much you cared that the instructions given by the paediatricians would be attentively followed. I saw you appreciated the job my girls and I did at giving dental hygiene “lessons” to the kids who were coming out of the bathroom with their tongues all read and their new toothbrushes in their hands.

I know you supported me also when I was caught by my “housewife neurosis” and I started cleaning up the whole kitchen. The big one I am talking about, in which people work 24/7.

Dearest Carol, I will never forget the enthusiasm you showed once you realised the job I do. I was still at the beginning of this challenge and you pushed and motivated me by asking as many things as possible on rats, cockroaches and snakes. The we started talking about cats and dogs, and you confessed me you were not too fond of them. Yet, a few weeks later your house began to slowly fill up with Dachshounds and Labradors of which you told us about through your Facebook posts.

 What a great things Facebook has been also for you. You immediately understood its potential and you threw yourself into it with the enthusiasm of a teenager. So, thanks to Facebook we have all be able to follow you on your great venture. You have to know Carol, that still now here in Daddy’s Home I carry with me the reputation of being a cleaning freak and when I arrive there isn’t one person who doesn’t want to show me how clean their workplace is and how well they are taking care of it. Not to mention the eggs! There is a real bookkeeping activity that follows the management of the fresh eggs! In fact, you often spread the news that the freak was about to arrive and that everything had to be clean and tidy so now I have to play the part.

 I am in bed now, I have my room in the Luisiana Home, the little girls house. I went up into their bedroom because tonight their “in-charge” isn’t here. These almost feel like festive nights. They brought you in the big gymnasium where they have organised the wake. It’s a chance for everybody to get out of normality. Even the girls in charge of checking the different houses take the opportunity to get out and meet up with their friends that are coming from other orphanages to visit you. We know that all the teenage boys have been moved to Butterfly Hill, while the teenage girls have stayed here at Angel Home. Therefore the control is usually operated here tonight is not as strict. And it’s ok for it to be this way Carol. It’s ok for it to be a moment that breaks the routine every once in a while. You have been a master at this. All of the different events and occasions you created to let your kids put up a show. Every excuse was good to build a big stage, turn the lights on and let the kids dance. From the first year to this past Christmas I have to admit that there have been many progresses. The lights technician also came up with a moving star that flew above the audience at the arrival of the Three Kings. Not to mention the dance team. Even the music got better and the sound system can be compared to the one of a real theatre.

In conclusion, by organising so many shows you gave many people the chance to play an important role, to work hard in order to get better and to spend many hours rehearsing.

 Well, tonight the little girls in the Luisiana home are particularly lively. Some of them are already asleep; Melody for example sleeps like a baby. Others are as awake as a bat and there is no way for them to calm down. All of them have already got their mats, even though some of them have roold out and are sleeping on the floor. It’s a bit striking to see them sleep like these on the cold hard floor. But they are used to it, and are sound asleep.

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 River and Triveni really don’t want to calm down. I try every way that I can to convince them to lye down but they don’t hear it. So I lye down as well. Never mind if my back allows me, two seconds later I have to get up. I am covered by all these monkeys that want to give me kisses, so I cover them with noisy kisses. Indians don’t give kisses like we do, they take them with their hands from your cheek, taking them back into their mouths. It’s a quick gesture, almost stealthy.

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What a great thing you have done Carol! These girls are here tonight, all together, to spend one of the many nights cuddled up on the floor, close to each other almost filling up the empty spaces they have inside. They would maybe be in another orphanage, but they wouldn’t be here at Luisiana Home if you hadn’t given life to this great venture that is Care & Share.

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My eyes are closing and I have to say goodbye. It’s impossible for me not to cry when I come say hi to you, there where they took you. And when I cry my eyes get swollen, just like tonight. Your kids will arrive tomorrow, both of them left immediately to get to you. Tomorrow really all of them will be here with you.

 Bye Carol, I’ve never written a letter to the people who left and maybe I should have done it with my sister. These are words that will only move from this computer to the online web once I will be brave enough to publish them. I know you won’t ever read them, unfortunately you know my wish regarding this and, just like we had the change to say to each other, I belong to those who can’t find peace anywhere.

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 But I hope these words will get to somebody who by reading them will be able to understand what you have been able to create with Noel.

 I, in my little, will keep on doing this and I am sure that Piera Home one day will be filled with girls. You promised me that!

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